A Christmas gift to Oxfam

You have helped raise $76.50 for Oxfam!!

(If you don't know what I'm talking about - have a look here).

Well done! And a big thank you for helping me with this challenge!

So now, to decide how to spend the money (don't you just love shopping with someone else's money!)

This is what we can afford:

- Blankets for survivors of disasters like tsunamis - $40

- Breakfast for AIDS orphans in Southern Africa - $20

- Bucket hygiene kit for disaster affected areas - $25

- Cattle manure - $15
- Chicken - $10
- Chicken family - $38

- Clean jar to filter water for a Cambodian family - $14

- Duck - $20

- Fishing net - $50

- Fruit tree - $35

- Goat - $39

- Goat couple - $78

- Lamb $55

- Literacy classes - $40

- Midwife essentials - $35

- Mossie nets - $22

- Prenatal classes - $55

- Piglet - $35

- Support for a women's shelter - $25

- Seeds - $10

- Toys - $29

- Veggie garden - $52

Phew!! Quite the list. So since YOU helped raise the money, it's only fair that you get to decide what to buy. Comment below with your choice and whichever gets the most votes by midday Thursday the 22nd of December, I'll buy (please make my life easier and only pick one). If there is any money left over and we can afford the second most popular item, I'll buy that one too. If not, I'll just donate as a dollar amount.

You can find more details about each gift on the Oxfam website.

Thank you!

And if anyone feels like contributing, please email me. Every dollar counts.

Waiting for your votes and linking this one up to Jess from Diary of a SAHM for IBOT.

Going back to the beginning

Things haven't been great between hubby and I recently.

You know how it goes: Boy meets girl and at the beginning they spend hours looking into each others eyes, they have long walks on the beach where they talk about their dreams for the future and every minute apart is spent daydreaming about their latest conversation.

He cannot do anything wrong and she is the most beautiful thing to have ever walked on this earth.

And then, the honeymoon phase slowly slips away and in comes reality.

They get more comfortable with each other. Her legs are spiky more often than not and he burps like it's a sport.

They talk less.

Sex is scheduled for every Friday night.
And the only walks on the beach are to collect sand for the cat litter.

And that's not even taking into consideration the changes that having kids bring to your marriage!

Hubby and I are well past the honeymoon phase. And recently we've been arguing a lot. And I mean A LOT!

I have the training. I know all the tips and tricks. I know how to fight in a 'healthy' manner. I counsel couples for a living! And none of that stops my couple from experiencing the same troubles as others. Because before being a psychologist, I'm a human.

Arguments are healthy of course. It worries me when I hear couples say that they never argue. You are two different people with a different upbringing, different rules, different values, different dreams. If you are not arguing, then it means one of you is always giving in. And that's not healthy.

But there is a point of course where arguments become unhealthy. And we've definitely reached that point.

It seems like we are constantly at each others throat. Bickering about the littlest thing. It's slowly been getting more and more unpleasant. To the point where the other night I was trying to imagine what it would look like if we separated and I was wondering whether life would be better or worse than what we have now. That sucks.

But when I married him, we vowed that it was "for better or for worse" and I take that seriously (although the worse bit does have it's limits - if he ever cheats on me or abuses me or the kids, I'm out of here!).

But on the whole, I do believe that marriage is a sacred thing and that too many couples take the "easy" way out rather than working on their problems (and I do believe that sometimes, separating IS the best option).

There are many, many ways to improve your relationship. Google it and you'll come up with a thousand and one "tried and tested" ways to get the sparkle back.

There is one thing that always works for me: going back to the beginning.

Remembering why I fell in love with him in the first place. What attracted me to him. Remembering those long walks on the beach. That first kiss. Waking up to find him looking at me sleep. Remembering dancing in his arms at our wedding.



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 It's not about going back to the honeymoon stage. That's over and long gone. It's about taking some time out of the daily grind, and reminding ourselves that the love is not dead, its just hidden behind life.



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How did you fall in love?

Will donate for "likes"...

With only 4 days to go, I'm reposting this one.
On the 1st of December I pledged to donate 50c for every 'like' and new follower that I got on Facebook, Twitter and my blog.

Some of you suggested Oxfam as the organisation to donate to, so that's what we're doing. With the money we raise, we can buy breakfast for kids, some farm animals for a family or contribute to a woman's shelter.

Image from the Oxfam website

At the moment, you've raised enough money to donate a piglet or a goat, or 4 chickens or 2 mozzie nets.

Image from the Oxfam website

Once the 20th comes, I'll be running a poll to see what you want the money to buy.

Image from the Oxfam website

So spread the word!!

The original post:
I went shopping today and came back with some new decorations for the Christmas tree.

While we were putting them up, hubby saw the price tags ($40 total) and said: "That could feed a whole family for a week in Afghanistan!"

He was saying it jokingly.
Knowing him, he would've spent much more if he'd gone shopping. I'm the reasonable one in this relationship!

But it got me thinking... and feeling guilty (that bloody guilt again!). I spent $40 on pretty little items to put on my tree. And there are families out there who go hungry. Parents who can't put presents under the christmas tree.

I am not suggesting that we stop enjoying Christmas because some are not as privileged. But maybe we can give something back.

Not very long ago someone posted on this topic (so sorry, but I've forgotten who it was). I commented and said that I'd think about a way I could give back and that she could hold me to it. Well I've figured it out.

This is what I'm going to do: for every new "like" I get on Facebook, and every new "follower" I get on Twitter and for every new member on this site, between now and midday on the 20th of December, I will donate 50 cents. It may not sound like a lot, but in a month and a half of blogging I've had almost 300 likers on Facebook alone - I'm a bit nervous about making it any more just in case you ruin me!

As it stands right now (1st of December at 9:21pm), there are:
274 Facebook likers
84 Twitter Followers
and 56 Site members.

I haven't yet thought about what to do with the money. Some ideas are: buy presents and donate to an organisation who distributes them to the underprivileged kids, blankets for the homeless, gifts for older people who don't have family?

What do you think? Do you know of any organisation that we could donate the money or gifts bought with the money to?

This is one starfish we can throw back in the ocean. (If I've just lost you, check out this post: Making a difference... one starfish at a time...)

I'm linking this one up to Flog Yo Blog Friday, hosted by Glowless. Heaps of other great blogs there.

A Christmas post with a difference

I swore I wouldn't write a Christmas post. There are enough bloggers doing a great job at it.

But then I got thinking about the link between Christmas and Mental Health.

For many, this is a time of great happiness. You see the extended family again, perhaps go on holidays and water the festivities with a good dose of alcohol, which never fails to brighten the mood!

And how exciting is Christmas with little ones! The magic of believing in Santa. The sparkle in their eyes when they wake up and find he came to THEIR house and left them presents under the tree!!!

But... Christmas is a time of great misery for many.

Those who have lost loved ones. Jess from Diary of a SAHM knows a mum who died recently, leaving a husband and two little ones to spend Christmas alone.

Those who don't have a family. The homeless, the old. The suicide rate goes up during the festive season. Did you know that? I can't imagine being home alone on Christmas. No dinner, no friends or family to share the joy with, no presents. I'd go to bed early. Maybe watch some TV. I know I'd feel very sad. It's harder to forget that you are lonely on Christmas.



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And what about those in prisons? No matter how you feel about them being in prison, the reality is, this is not a happy time for them or their families either.

Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist who was also a survivor of the holocaust, wrote about his experiences in the concentration camps. He says that the death rate in the camps went up during the week between Christmas 1944 and New Year 1945. The food was not any worst than usual. The hard physical work had not changed. There was no epidemy.

What happened, was that the prisoners of the concentration camp had held hope that they would be home by Christmas. And when Christmas came and went and they were still living in those miserable conditions, they gave up and died.

I'm sorry to be raining on the good festive mood. I don't mean to depress anyone with this post. But maybe just to highlight that, for some, Christmas is a terribly sad time.

Maybe this Christmas, you could invite a lonely neighbour to join your dinner, or pay a visit to a long forgotten aunt, maybe just a phone call, and spare them the pain of a lonely Christmas.

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Is there something you can do this Christmas to brighten someone's mood?