On Sex

I read a story not long ago about this man who is trying to understand what sex means to his wife.

So he asks: would you rather go away on holidays overseas or have sex?
To which she replies "go away on holidays" with no hesitation whatsoever.

Then he asks: what about a week-end trip?
Again, she picks the week-end trip.

A nice dinner? "Yes rather that than sex thank you!"
A walk on the beach?
A chocolate?

And so he works his way down the list until she agrees that she might prefer to have sex than clean the oven.

I laughed and laughed... and laughed some more.

The reason I thought this was so funny of course, is because I FEEL EXACTLY LIKE THAT! (And I bet many of you do too!)

Indeed, sex has become just another chore I do at the end of the day (thankfully not every day!), after the dishes are done and the kids are tucked in.

It wasn't always like that. Once upon a time it was fun. We couldn't wait to get back to bed. We'd wake up at two in the morning and have more sex. We could have sex on the kitchen benchtop without risking the kids walking in on us! 

But, gone are the days...

These days, given the choice between sleep and sex, sleep wins hands down ANY night!  

Any men reading this (and perhaps some ladies too) must be thinking: my poor husband! So deprived!

Not so.

So what is my secret you ask? I just do it! Now before all you feminist ladies start screaming, hear me out. I am not at all suggesting anyone do anything they don't want to do. All I am saying is, if you just 'go with the motion' (no pun intended!), more often than not, you (or at least I) end up enjoying it. And then I think to myself "It wasn't that bad. We should do that more often".

And how I wish I could tell my patients that. When couples come in (I haven't yet seen a couple in therapy who do not complain in some shape or form about their sex life), I wish I could say to the wife "Just do it! Just give it to him. It'll shut him up and you might find it isn't that bad after all." But that would not go down very well. So I sit there like the good psychologist that I am, and we talk about her emotional needs and his need for the maternal breast (ok I'm exaggerating a bit here, but you get the idea).

So next time your partner starts complaining about not getting enough sex, think about 'just doing it'.

This psychologist recommends it!

Anna M.